the 10 Day YOU Challenge: 4

This weekend was AMAZING! Seriously haven’t felt that happy in a LONG time.

Got to play around & get hugs from the cutest lil nephew in the world. Got to celebrate my sister being around another year. Then there was FANFEST!

Friday night was incredible. Has been far too long since I had been in the Panthers home stadium. Watching the rookies & veterans on that field confirmed that it isn’t that long til the real games start again which makes me a very excited girl. Hated hearing of injuries already happening but guess that is just one of those things that happens at training camp.

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So excited!  The fireworks closing to the night wasn’t a bad way to end the evening either. Even with the ambien it was really hard to go to sleep I was so excited!

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and yes I went all out because WHY NOT? Already dreading the days where I need to look “professional” for work, or an upcoming internship, and I have to ditch the vividly colored hair. It really is just amazing what colors can do. I don’t think I would ever stop switching it up if I didn’t have to. Loving it. One last hurrah I guess. The salt water & additional showers I take from going to the beach wash it out quicker than normal so I may be able to squeeze in one more round before I have to kiss it goodbye for at least a while.

Tonight here is stormy & after getting back home from the Charlotte trip late, a night of reading in bed sounds heavenly. PJs on. Dinner done. Time to kick back with the kindle!

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At any moment I am in the middle of a dozen books. A novel, some nonfiction ones, maybe something spiritualish & then one paper one at least for the beach trips since I don’t dare submit the kindle to the sand or saltwater. So when I saw 4 books I thought why not list a few I am currently reading.

4 BOOKS

4. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

3. Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman

2. Winds of Salem by Melissa de la Cruz

1. The Champagne Diet: Eat, Drink & Celebrate Your Way to a Healthy Mind & Body! by Cara Alwill Leyba (LOVED her first book,  Sparkle: The Girl’s Guide to Living a Deliciously Dazzling, Wildly Effervescent, Kick-Ass Life,  too!)

 

the 10 Day YOU Challenge: 5

Foods.

I have a love hate relationship with food at the moment. My enthusiasm with eating healthy has run into a bit of a roadblock. Guess it happens with everything in life, but I can see where it would be extremely easy to ditch the efforts and hit up a drive thru after class. Thankfully when I do have food not prepared by me, it has been rare & a lot healthier than I used to grab. Dare say that I even have done the ice tea completely unsweetened a few times & even enjoyed it. Still sticking with it but every meal is a test in my determination to get healthy & leave bad habits behind. It isn’t that I miss some food in particular or am hungry. Just get frustrated trying to finish up the semester and constantly be hitting up the grocery store, preparing food or trying to plan out what to eat next to stay within the day’s goals.

Dating has also been a challenge since it seems most dates involve food at some point. Trying to get to know someone & not come across as the obsessive anorexic is hard. For the most part I don’t really want to go into the fact that I am trying to eat healthy due to crappy medical tests results, that just makes me feel a tad like damaged goods. I’m not looking for sympathy or opinions on my diet. Also I don’t want to be always scared to dine out but many places aren’t exactly great choices so when I do I end up eating less than the portion or (gasp) a salad and looking like one of those girls that is afraid to eat in front of a guy. Nope just afraid to eat in general at the moment! For the most part it is just trying to keep my calories & carbs at levels that are healthy for me.

So far so good, but each day is a renewal of the commitment.

Hey I am worth it!

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5 FOODS:

that I just couldn’t live without right now.

5. Zucchini – Sliced, diced, spirals from the veggetti, it just all works. Pasta is a downfall and finding this substitute was key to sticking within my target carb range. I admit I was skeptical but it didn’t take much to win me over.

4. Spinach – raw or gently wilted it seems to go great with everything.

3. Hummus – Topped on chicken, straight up on carrot sticks, or put the garlicy mush with some shredded veggies in a wrap just feel like heaven not healthy. The various flavor varieties keeps it fresh although the red pepper may always be my favorite.

2. Oatmeal – quick, cheap, easy & full of fiber. How can you go wrong? Unless you get the stuff with massive loads of sugar added. I don’t but I do go for the high fiber stuff and add chia seeds to give it an extra nutritional punch.

1. Berries – Blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, cherries… basically any and all fruit is my favorite go to food, but berries hold a special place in my heart. They just are so delicious right now and being able to easily adjust serving sized is a bonus! They are the candy of nature & I just may happen to be addicted. (No rehab needed)

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& of course water! Drinking a lot of water has been my saving grace. Calorie free & fills you up fast.

I’m crashing from the high – I’m letting go tonight

Trust.

Who doesn’t have issue with it during their lives? If there are people who actually have missed this painful of all life lessons, they truly are the blessed ones. I however find I keep retaking the test. Perhaps one day I will pass, but I can at least know that I have given everything I have where I have felt it was needed or deserved. I have tried to help overcome mistakes that were never mine in the first place & find it just leaves me depleted and angry at myself.
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Evolving has never been a bad thing in my eyes. Maybe it is growing up but at some point past just doesn’t fit into the present or lead you into a future. Shedding off the old unveils the person you were meant to be during the here and now. Even if it isn’t the easiest to accept.

The clutter of trying to be empathetic and understanding of others at times will suffocate if you don’t make sure to keep your head up and stand on your own now and then. The past week I found myself exhausted and realized most of my energy was being expended trying to help various people who I valued in my life. Having one event that I wanted to attend gave me a realization. I was pulled in so many directions that everything else ended up coming first. A sacrifice I made and knew I was making it when I made it. Still anything for friends. Then I realized through several interactions with a couple of people that it all just drained & depressed me. Conversations gave me reality checks that this isn’t me. Maybe it was, but that kind of life was just shackling me to the past. The negativity grew and never feels right.

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I exploded.

Several times in ways that stretched from angry texts to taking the neighbor stealing my recycling bin as a personal attack. Yes I got it back & let them know that it WILL never end up in their yard again without consequences. Forgot how intimidating I can be when it is needed. In Kali feels good to release now and then.  Only through the destruction can you be free to create what you dream. Why I keep forgetting or keep thinking I need to hold fast to everything in hopes that it will once again bring the joy it had I never know. My flaw.

But now I am WIDE AWAKE.

Grateful for the people who reciprocate the respect. No one should ever be used or abused. When the relationship turns, it is time to toss it out. The things that are meant to be will be. No rules state that you can’t reconnect later in life when you are both in better places. Won’t be the same connection, but if you truly are able to support each other in becoming the best you can be then why not? Only by freeing the space do you open up life to fill it with the good stuff of the present. Step into where you should be now.

It feels divine.