Loving Badyn

Today I woke snuggled up to a pug with eyes wide open looking at me.  Happy just by the simple fact that my eyes were opening to a new day.

A tad sad knowing Badyn isn’t doing the same, but grateful that the pain & frustration of not being able to be the dog he was is gone.  Scary when a body just doesn’t last as long as the mind.  As tough as it was to let him go, its over.

Poor guy seemed to know exactly what he should be able to do and sad that he couldn’t.  He tried, but that body just wasn’t going to work anymore.  Truth is that he lasted longer than we thought he was going to.  A couple of years ago he started having trouble.  Which lead to the decision that he stay with my parents.  They were home during the day & their new puppy (at the time) seemed to keep him moving more, which seemed to do him good.  I missed him, but knew it was better for him.  Which lead to Baxter entering my life to fill the void.

Thankfully I got to visit & he seemed happy.  Slower still than he was, but much better than when he had to be home for 8 hours a day by himself (& the birds).

When we were at Disney last year, we got a call.  He wasn’t doing well.  The kennel had taken him to the vet.  I remember being in Tomorrowland watching my sister on the phone with the vet pacing, wondering what my tomorrow would bring.  All seemed a bit of a blur.  Somehow he pulled through and stayed with us.

At Thanksgiving there was talk again.  There were days where he wasn’t making it.  I said my good byes before heading back to work.  But then a couple of a good days & the decision was rethought.  Sadly though he went downhill again.  So the appointment was made again.  I came in to bury Bijou, knowing that most likely there would be another bigger grave to dig.  Then he perked up again.  We rethought & decided it would be up to the vet to give us advice.  If he was still having good days, why steal those away?  Snuggling him made me wonder how could the little puppy with the softest ears in the world have gotten so old?  Especially when his ears were still the softest there ever has been.

Second guesses are brutal.

The comfort was found when the injection was started and they noticed before it even was dispensed fully that his chest had stopped moving.  Checked for a heart beat & none was there to be found.  They remarked how that happened way too fast to be the medication.

So maybe he was ready.

Maybe it was his time.

So thankful for the time we had.  The love & support got me through the good days, the bad days & the guys of both types.  Will never forget the personality & lessons learned from our time together. Like letting go is sometimes what has to happen.  That even when it feels the world is in another dimension, your ears are still in range to be licked! That boys who are not liked by dogs, are not worth keeping around.  Playing is fun, but sometimes midfield you just have to stop & take a dump, no matter who is watching.  (course his was literal & in front of a soccer tournament, mine is more mental)  Life is always better when you wake up with a smile looking at you.  Even when you don’t want to get out of bed, there will be someone who wants you to get up anyway.  The best things in life don’t need to be bought & the ones who get the bad rep are not always the bad guys.  The one from the pound, might be just the one you need most in your life.

You will always be my Badyn.