you remind me of the babe

Simple.

When I need to remember what really does bring a smile to my face & I need memories of the good times, let me always remember strolling under the stars in search of shark teeth & shells.  Remind me of the way he has me pick up them all (even when he finds them which is more often than not) so that I am the first human to touch them & probably the first living being since they fell from the shark’s mouth decades ago prior to becoming fossilized & making it to shore.  Also the way he starts singing “You Remind Me of the Babe. What babe? the babe with the power.” out of the blue to me without realizing my favorite movie in the world is Labyrinth.

Maybe its just this moment, but for now that is just fine by me.  I will hold on to every moment I can as long as they keep bringing smiles.

Is this real?

Surreal: having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic:

Lately life just feels a bit surreal.

A few months ago what seemed normal is now a distant memory.  Things that mattered then, seem meanless and insincere.  I’m still me, but more so.  Less pressured, less stressed, less fear.  This rat exited the race & seems to have fallen down a rabbit hole.

I feel like is this post had background music, this song would be it…

Who would have guessed that flipping life upside down would make it all feel more right than ever before.  Hard to remember how “natural” it was to hit the alarm, rush to become acceptable, race to arrive, robotically go through the motions expected and when worn down go home to do it all again.  Thought it was good and where I should be, but there was a reason for the unhappiness & the drained energy that never seemed to recharge.  We give so much of ourselves at times that we completely lose sight of who we are and just agree with the suggestion of who someone or some company expects us to be.

Classes are less structured than I imagined & the passion that ignites in each lesson fuels on through coursework.  Opening more questions and desires than closing.  So much to learn and experience.  Each lesson makes me long for more.  Wild how one moment all this wasn’t, then some event happens and others decide the “truth” and it is so.  We accept it and move forward.  Laws in so many times develop from experience.  Experiences that shape the future.  All because it is said so.  One moment it is this, then the next it is that.

I’m not officially working, save a few odd things here & there as desired like catering, yet I don’t feel as if a safety net has been jerked from under me.  I still have savings and even with more time on my hands, I spend less.  Want less.  Feel more.  So strange.

I’m fully aware that the “bad stuff” is still there waiting to strike at any second, but I don’t care.  I stare down the demons at bay with indifference.  Be what may, I am as is.  Suddenly none of it matters.  I can’t do a thing to prevent the harm.  Choices aren’t mine to make always.  Sure they may effect me, but perhaps they are shaping me into someone who can handle what is to come.

What all does it mean anyway?  Struggle to get more things.  To pay more for extras half the world doesn’t even perceive as necessary.  To drown ourselves in MORE.  None of it has the least bit of meaning.

What does matter are the intangibles.  The memory.  The ideas that seeming pop out of nowhere when you stop to actually just listen.  The hidden treasures that lie hidden away in the moments we don’t take time for.   The details of the petals on the flowers missed from the windows of the passing car.  Connecting to a greater reality.

We all cope in different ways.  I thought I had a handle on my emotions and fears, but realize a lot was just stuffed away in a box on a shelf.  No time to sort through them and deal.   Taking the time is a luxury that I am so grateful for.  Why do we so often forget that nothing can go so strongly without stopping now and then?  The engines burn out.  The soul needs rekindled.  The body needs to heal and reset.

So I gladly transition to this paralell universe and shed the skin no longer needed.

Perception is everything.  To some this stretch of time is indication of failing but its not.  It is a blessing that is hard to accept.  Stepping off the conveyer belt into the darkness isn’t easy.  Jumping from the plane into the sky is pure faith.  But as you glide down, slowed by the parachute you take in the moment.  You see the world from a whole new angle.  The experience passes but you are forever changed for it.  For better or for worse.

& no I am in no way high… just feeling strange.  (I don’t do that schtuff! Becareful if you do or else you may end up naked, gnawing off a homeless guy’s face – gross! People are bizarre!)

One mighty water

One day I may learn to sleep a normal schedule again.

One day I may figure out what I’m really looking for in life. Lately I’m just not sure. On some levels things seem to be falling apart. Still others pieces are potentially better than ever.

One thing that is becoming increasingly clear is life is short. Every moment wasted is gone forever. You learn from it, live it for what it is & step forward into the next one. I’m figuring out people can be incredibly self centered.  Which isn’t always a bad thing. If we don’t love ourselves, why should anyone else. Problems arise when you start to love someone & realize that its going to mean taking into consideration everything from a whole new perspective. Goals may change but others achieved. Maybe no matter how much we would like we will never reach all we strive for. Perhaps a few of the opportunities are really just test to see how devoted we are or to see how strong we are.

I know the more I take time out to discover my true self, the less tolerant I’ve become of the petty drama, stress & lack of simple kindness.  Things that seemed normal before now just annoy me. I notice how shallow people can be. How shallow I can be. 

This is a rare moment in time where little things delight. A conversation over a pancake at a greasy dinner can thrill more than a candlelight dinner where you need wine to calm the awkward nerves or be on some best behavior. Reality is just that real. Perception may be everything but reality last.

Feeling drawn more and more to the ocean and its calm serenity. The secrets of its depths more priceless than any name brand or trend. Just the timeless persistence of the sand and salty waves. They were there before my life and after I’m gone they will continue on. Doesn’t matter how much or little we have the shore welcomes all. The rays of the sun caress and warm the skin, be it baby new, centurian old or anywhere in between. The white caps rush up to out toes no matter the number, color or condition they are in. Pure acceptance as is.  No complaints or trying to change. To fear of being left behind.