Category Archives: challenge

the BEST Snacks

Lately a lot of my time has been spent thinking of food.

Planning meals, cooking meals, helping to feed meals.  Clean up, shop & do it all again.  Trying to keep things interesting yet healthy and within the preferences of the group.  Working with what you have and staying within a budget can be a challenge at times.  All part of life.

For a big part of my life, I avoided food.  Many reasons some I still battle with, some are distant memories.  Even learning to let go and eat for enjoyment and substance, I still wanted the perfect body.  Guilt is a frequent mealtime companion, even if most bites shut it up.  I don’t struggle like I used to but I still long for that perfect body.

Lately, my perfect body has changed.  No longer do I wish I still fit into a size 6.  Watching my mom’s body shrink away has given me a new appreciation for every bite I take and every stubborn pound I wear.  Health matters more than being a vision in a photograph.

Thankfully I can eat pretty much what I want, when I want.  I am physically able to walk to a fridge and open it whenever I like.  Spoons aren’t too heavy for me to manipulate.  A box of juice is easy to finish in one sitting.  There is food in my pantry to choose from.

For these things I am very thankful.

On the way home from class, I stopped and had a chocolate milkshake in celebration of all that I am thankful for.  Not a single guilty thought allowed.  I could almost swear it tasted better that way.

So when I saw today’s list for the 52 Lists it made me laugh.  52 Snacks.  Food.  Again I am to think about food!

52 Snacks

 

 

Run, Run Fast As You Can

Note to self:  You are super & you are a woman, but you are not Super Woman!

images

Nope. I can not do it all all the time.

Even with best intentions no one can achieve it all.  This week was my lesson in learning to take time to care for me.

Last week found me caring for mom, dad, three parrots, four dogs & anything else I could.  Setting up my “new” space at their house and trying to adjust to living with other humans again (things like bath robes and earphones come into play when you share space with family, nurses, etc. at all hours).  Then I dashed off to drive 3 hours to my house to rush in to start this semester of classes.  In my haste I left behind one of the medications I take, but what is a couple of days? PLENTY.  Spent time being outside of class making up for lost time running around trying to be 6 places at once.  Lack of ambien (darn needing to pick up refills), the sudden influx of helicopter traffic in my neighborhood & dealing with night terrors every 2 hours had me zombie eyed & wishing for time to sleep.

I crashed.  Hard.

The added stress of everything kicks up symptoms anyway.  Being in public shopping recently has been harder.  I’m in no way back to being where I was at my worst, but I recognize the pattern.  Go somewhere, breathing starts getting harder, head feels spacey, everything seems extra loud including the blood pulsing rapidly through every inch of my body.  After about 15 to 20 minutes I start to feel like my insides are going from concrete to slush & back again.  I fidget nervously.  Usually if I can move about I can release some of the adrenaline & try to calm down a little.  Feeling trapped makes it worse.  It can be something as simple as being “trapped” by having to wait on someone else or a check out line.  I recognize there is no real threat, but my body doesn’t listen to my rational mind in these moments.

Fight or flight is pure animal instinct.  You can discuss as much as you want, it will be as it will be.  Once an attack starts, it is very hard to stop.

With a regular schedule, sleep & my medicine, I keep in control of it all.

This past week I had not a single one of those three.

My first class went great.  It was less than an hour & even the professor was a familiar face.  Second class was slated for 3 hours, but didn’t last that long.  The professor is great.  Intense, but great.  Going around the room introducing ourselves has never been a favorite game for me but I survived.  Panic? yup but I kept it under control.  3rd class I was less successful.  It was only 2 hours and was same group as the 1st class but I lost it.  Klonapin, internal dialogue  stepping out to group in the bathroom & move around didn’t help.  I ended up in full-blown panic mode.  After leaving the class for a 2nd time (this time with books in hand), I barely made it home – my safe zone.  Once there it still took a while to calm down.  Then my body was so exhausted I ended up falling asleep for a few hours.  I really didn’t think I would be able to make it to my fourth class (the 1st session of the 3rd course).  I did.  It was a major struggle to stay through but I did it.

Once someone has a panic attack somewhere, for some reason it is more common for them to have another one there.  Being in the same exact classroom for all my classes doesn’t exactly help.

42291683972447779_BIeL2d3r_c

Still I refuse to give up.  I have fought hard for far too long to let myself slip backwards.  At the same time, I recognize that everything going on in my world right now is very tough.  Can’t be too hard on myself.

I’m extremely grateful that the professor I have in the class where I had to leave part way through is understanding.  Hindsight I probably should have explained what was going on prior, but it is tough.  I want to be respected for the work I do same as any other student in that class.  Still at this point I am glad she is aware of my situation with my mom & living in two places at the moment.  There is some comfort knowing that she is willing to work with me if need be.

So first week almost down.  Lessons noted.  I have GOT to be sure my oxygen mask goes & stays on first before assisting my fellow passengers. ha ha.

Which is why this afternoon I am relaxing.  Back on ALL my medications and ready to get a 2nd full night of sleep.

I have full faith I will find the balance in all this.

203154633162426263_AeROckVg_c

Oh SNAP – Food cost more than I thought!

Never been someone who is above leftovers and I like to think of myself as someone who can get by on a budget.  The checking account has taken the dips on days when its not close enough to pay day & I get through.  Dealing with being a college student and not working regularly, certainly has honed my skills at stretching a dollar and viewing essentials differently.   So when I saw a challenge to get by on the amount that is expected for people on Food Stamps, I thought No Problem!

….problem…

Evidently I am not as cost aware as I had thought!

What was formerly know as Food Stamps is now called SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program).  Gone are the “stamps”, in are the electronic debit like cards, but the concept stays the same.  Help provide healthy food for those who can not afford to buy food right now.  The program isn’t for just anyone who wants it.  You must show that you qualify and legitimately have a need and have to apply before being granted the benefits.  Also there are rules to using the funds.  Can’t go buy beer or treat yourself to a plate of wings at the bar. You can however get food to make meals.  Just don’t plan on getting pet food, soap, paper products or basically anything other than food.

One of my favorite organizations, the Food Bank of Central & Eastern North Carolina, set forth a challenge to try to play by the SNAP rules for a work week.  Just 5 days.  The rules are simple.  You have to take into account the cost of everything you eat and keep it at or below the amount that would be granted for the time period with the SNAP benefits.

I had played along before with challenges presented by the Food Bank.  Like where you skip a meal for a day & donate the money that you would have spent to the Food Bank.  Helps you be aware of what a blessing it is so be able to afford the meals you eat & you are helping others to eat – without spending any more money than you would have.

This challenge wouldn’t involve me not eating so had to be easier, right? WRONG!

The average amount provided thru “food stamps” (I may never think of them as anything but) ends up being around $4.15 PER DAY.  Not per meal.  PER DAY.  Total 24 hours, 3 meals, snacks, drinks, whatever all combined.  In 2012.  Not so easy after all.   (Average PER MONTH is just under $125 in NC.)

At least with the former skip a meal challenge I could enjoy a bigger meal afterward & balance out the hunger.  Not with this one.  Sure I guess I could have used the time to detox & do a cleanse, but that still cost money.  Plus the idea is that people have to eat like this long term, not just a few days.

Day one I was SHOCKED at how quickly the money added up.  I went grocery shopping to avoid eating out (since the SNAP funds are not accepted dining out).  Bought some basics to make simple foods.  Still after all was said & done, I was over my budget!

Day two wasn’t much better.  I did slightly cheat since I had a preplanned date scheduled that night.  Ended up free meal & beer with leftovers.  Sadly even with this Over Budget for the day.

The rest of the week wasn’t much better.  Yesterday was the last of the 5 days striving to stay on the $4.15 per day limit, but with assisting a friend find furniture for his new place, the budget was blown with coffee & breakfast on the road.  Even his treat to a milkshake didn’t keep me in my budget.

It REALLY tough.  Certainly takes a lot more planning than I did.  Don’t know how people are expected to do it on a daily basis.  Honestly if I had kids involved there would be no way.  Kids are growing & seem to be hungry lil beasts!  They need to eat & need to eat good stuff.

With the cost of everything rising, I don’t see it getting easier to do, especially and stay healthy.  Eating long term like this would NOT make me a happy girl.  Thankfully, through the efforts of organizations like the Food Bank of CENC and those who support them, people find ways to make it all work.

So do you think you can do it?

Can you make it work with $4.15 per day?