Not Going Back There

One thing about dealing with anxiety is that it seems to always be lurking.  When you think you are finally back on your feet and doing good, it slips a trip wire in your path.  You are too busy enjoying life to notice then next thing you know you are down.  That quickly sometimes.

Friday night I met up with a few friends for dinner and to see a free concert downtown.  As the sun set, the crowd grew.

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Still I had fun.  I even dared to think how awesome it was to be in a crowd that size.  How at one point not long ago, this would never happen.  Felt so accomplished in dealing with the attacks and thought maybe the agoraphobic part of my life was finally over.

Course shopping the next day reminded me that it can strike back harder any time it wants.  A simple bit of clothing shopping had me in full blown panic in less than 15 minutes with maybe an eighth of the size crowd. Unfortunately I didn’t have my trusty back up to call on (klonpain) so it progressed & I ended up staying inside the rest of the day exhausted & a little depressed that I was back to this. Frustrating.  Still I knew I had been here before and survived.

So next time I went with a friend.  (one who knew about my anxiety issues)  We shopped a little, had lunch then went to another store…. where it hit again.  Even with the klonapin, it hit hard.  Still I was determined.  We changed locations and still no good.  Getting dog food was necessary though so I fought on.  But I was done. Over it.  Lost the fight, but I will win this war.

What happened at the pet store got me thinking though.  Interaction with a seriously rude know it all cashier.  As she rang up the bag of dog food (& I focused on breathing & not subcoming to the urge to dash out the door and just keep running away), she judged my purchase.  Judged as she rang it up.  Asked if my dog liked this food.  Um… well he eats it & has yet to learn english and complain or leave any comment cards, so yeah I guess so.  Then she goes on to say “You know this is the most expensive food in here? ……. and it isn’t the best.”  Who asked you b*tch? nearly escaped my lips but in the attack all I wanted to do was pay & leave so I just looked at her with I’m sure a look that said “Is this happening?”  She then gives me my receipt and a final “well I guess if he loves it”.

Bizarre.  Just really bizarre.

Back home it pissed me off the more and more I thought about it.  The former retail manager in me thought that she really needs to learn to just sell the products from the shelf.  If it isn’t any good, why are they selling it there?  and telling a customer it is the most expensive food in the store just makes the customer feel like they are being ripped off.  Just as two dog people, I have to think she feels like she is trying to help, but really wrong approach for me.  I could see it maybe if we knew each other or if I had asked for her help with something prior, but she didn’t know me.  Just burned me.

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Got me wondering though.  Honestly I hadn’t given his food much thought since we got him & the vet suggested that brand & type.  Maybe there was something to what she said.

So I went online to a couple of pug rescue groups that interact with and posed the question about what they feed their pugs.  The information I got back was overwhelming but really appreciated.  Lots of people knew a lot about their dogs’ diets and what brand foods were good or bad.  Sadly Baxter’s food, not so great.

He has had a few issues that I assumed were just part of being a pug.  Turns out he could very likely have a food allergy.  Seems they are common.

Hit me that I am currently more aware of what I am eating and trying to eat healthier, why shouldn’t his diet get a revision?

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So I did research and yesterday he started a higher quality food that is grain-free and more protein based, less fillers…. and joy of joys cheaper for me!  His treats also are getting switched up.  We will try it and see how he does.  So far he LOVES the new food.  Acts like I have served up a bowl of treats for his meal.

So evidently we all are getting healthier around here.  The parrots better watch out!  Kidding, though they are enjoying the increase in fresh fruits & veggies from my salad making.

Now if only I can get these panic attacks under control again so that I can go get the food.  Will happen.  I have done it before and will do it again.

Can’t wait to go back downtown for another show…. that pet shop, not so much!

What Matters Really

So yesterday was a freak out day.

We all get them now & then.  Doesn’t make them easier to deal with but at least they like all other days, only can last 24 hours.

Part of what was really bothering me was making that danged Will, Living Will, Powers of Attorneys & Health Care Power of Attorney.  It was just for a class assignment, but we also notarized them and made them legit – if the student chose to.  Its something I didn’t have, so why not?  Its needed.

In making it, it forced me to really look at my life.  What I would leave behind if today was the day.

What did I value?  What made it into my will?

Funny enough, I didn’t think about my camera equipment, jewelry or anything that can be insured.  What I stressed about was Baxter & the birds.  They are what matters to me.  No I didn’t leave them all my money (what money?) but what I did do was spell out exactly what should happen if I go prior to them.  Baxter has to have a loving home where he will be a valued companion.  He has been abandoned before & I don’t want him to end up back in an animal shelter.  The birds, well I know what happens to parrots that end up at animal shelters.  Mine will never go (or go back) there.  They have to go to a rescue group that specializes in re-homing  companion parrots or a sanctuary.

The other depressing part was… who to name.  Makes you really see where the heart strings are…. or aren’t.  Who can you trust?

Sadly family is very limited right now & the likelihood of my parents outliving me isn’t one I can count on.  My sister is here & brother in law, but beyond that?

Slightly depressing? you betcha.

As much as I study and strive to do the best at whatever career I so chose, at the end, its family that is by your side.  They are the ones who remember you.  They are what matter most.

Which frankly scared the hell out of me.

Already know what its like to lose family and not looking forward to the declining numbers.  Still it escapes me on how family is made.  (yes I know the biology class how to part) How it all bonds together over the years.  Two singles become the couple that develops into the start of the family.  So strange and magical, yet happens daily all over the world.

more realistically this blog!

I’m not at a place in my life where I am ready for kids just yet, but still scary to think that I’m also not at a place where I have that strong couples bond.  Not something I can fake or force.

What I really have to come to terms with is if I’m ok with the opposite.  Can I be that person who stands on their own til the end?  How do I make my life worth having been through?  Guess that is something I think we have to ask everyday.  Treat each day as a way to bring something better into it.

Figure out how to find the inner peace and be proud of who we have been and are because really that is what matters most.

…..well as far as I can tell….

Hoping that all works itself out quickly & that I can attend classes that aren’t so close to home and depressing.  Bring on the legal research & torts cases!  On a positive side, it is good to think through things and may be exactly what needed to happen sooner or later.  On to better days!

Out of Thin Air

As much as a 3 day week sounds blissful, I’m starting to see the downsides.  Four days off are nothing to complain about, but reality is the 3 days I am in school and trying to get everything done are intense.  Add in trying to date and have a life and its the perfect storm for needing those 4 recovery days.  At least when they are weeks like this one.

Working? um… why would I? to pay bills? Ha!  That implies there are actually jobs available that will be flexible enough to work with school schedules! Right. Not in this area lately.

Sure I could go for the Do You Want Fries With That option I guess, but I am trying to avoid the Freshman Fifteen this go around (does a 2 year associates even have a Freshman year?) and in all reality the minimum wage for busting my ass route is just going to leave me with no energy to study anything.  So what’s the point? I’d flunk out anyway.

Thought that Grants & Scholarships would be extremely helpful this go around since the first time I did college I didn’t go for any at all.  I was extremely lucky in that my grandparents & parents did some serious sacrificing and planning to put me through starting the day I was born.  So since I haven’t even used assistance before, why not now right? WRONG.  No longer eligible.

here have some cash… just kidding!

The grant I got – turns out someone in Financial Aid is a moron.  They gave me money yet some how are now saying I didn’t qualify for it.  So they took it back.  Why don’t I qualify? bad grades? shady past? criminal records? blue eye shadow?  Nope.  Simply because I have a degree.  A degree I was honest about from the get go in applying to school.

So now I owe several hundred dollars which they let me use at the bookstore for this now imaginary grant.  Which has to be repaid before I can register for classes next week.  Not sure how many people who aren’t working actually have that money just laying around without any purpose, but its not this girl.

Everything I have goes to getting by.  Sure I’m not eating ramen every night, but I have cut back on a lot of expenses since starting school.  So much so that I’m frustrated in a lot of ways.  But that is adulthood.  Not very many people do have tons of extra money to just toss.  Its a trade off I am willing to make.  Every purchase matters more now.  If I decide to go get a cup of coffee out, that means I have to cut corners elsewhere.  Its life.

Still I’m at the point where, its starting not to work.

Added unexpected expenses, like the grant I now have to repay along with the tuition for next year, are just not working out.

So stressed? You betcha.

What’s a girl to do?  There are several places hiring for full time.  One side of me says to take a step back and start working again.  School will be there when I can get to it.  Maybe take one night class for the next decade.   Still going full time would mean I am done and working in a job I am going to want to be in, in roughly another year and a half.  IF I can get there.

Student loans? As much as my parents really don’t want me to take on more debt… they are starting to seem like a very real option.  Scary as it may be, the money has to come from somewhere.

Between trying to figure all this out and finalizing a will & end of life paperwork (for class, but still hit me hard emotionally), study for exams, stay up on readings, prepare for a speech (um… got an A even with um… saying um… way more than um… I wanted to!) and doing photowalks, honoring soldiers and staying connected with friends, I AM BEAT.  My brain feels fried.  Deep fried.

Still no stopping now.  It may be my “weekend” but there is laundry to do, bags to pack, roads to travel with family waiting at the end to see.  Oh yeah… & homework. Lots and lots of homework.  With another exam waiting for me at 11 am on Monday.

this is my favorite mug. tends to always be dirty.

Thank goddess for the Keurig & pug snuggles.

Return

Some days just should be labeled with a Word of the Day.  Today’s would be return.  Everytime I turn around I found myself using it.

Returned from another Charlotte trek late last night and ended up starting the day later than I thought I would have.

Also one of the things that I deal with from time to time is nightmares.  The ambien cuts them down big time, but occassionally I still have one or two slip in.  Since adding Baxter to my life several years ago there are nights where I find myself being awoken from the terror to a lil black worried face staring at me & snuggling close.  Doubt this qualifies him as a service dog, but it certainly earns his keep in my eyes.  Last night as I was up late catching up on emails and missed episodes of the Daily Show, I got to return the favor.  Started out as the typical Baxter dozing off and snoring away.  After a while the snores switched into a different mode.  Then I got to see something I had never seen him do before – he stretched out & up and HOWLED.  Like a wolf at a full moon…. while STILL asleep.  The first couple of times I just watched in awe.  He’s a pug & far from wolf-like.  Guess in his mind last night he was the beast within.

Since it just didn’t seem right, I snuggled up & started calling him.  He didn’t react at first but soon slowly came around & looked at me.  Can’t help but wonder if I had returned the favor.  Thankfully he & I both got to sleep not long after.

School is starting back up Monday & I’m starting to feel nervous again about being back in classes – full time.  Summer session was great, but this is going to be 5 classes to keep up with instead of just the two I had to focus on then.  Got the book this afternoon.  All but one that is out of stock.  May have to order it online after all.  All I can say it how thankful I am for that grant!  These things are expensive.  But I am ready to go back…. I think.

still kinda feel like a giddy girl getting ready for school to start.

Also got the news that my cousin has safely returned from his latest deployment!  Proud of him, but grateful for him to be back and about to be able to enjoy sometime doing whatever he chooses without the threats around every corner.  Chatting with another friend over there makes it all too real.  I know some areas are worse than others as far as activity, but it feels good knowing he is back.  Thankfully soon the friend will be too.

I’m of the opinion that sometimes the best thing to heal the fear is to jump back in and in that line of thought, am open to dating.  No real desire to yet, but figure its going to take a while to find someone I click with again.  Hopefully its the last time I have to activate a dating profile but why not?  Well today is why not.  Those guys are crazy.  Plenty of Freaks is more like it.  Not going to get into specifics but lets just say there are two more profiles on my blocked list.  The things people will say on there!  I may be the odd one out but for me, its not first come gets the job.  I want something real.  Someone I can communicate with and respect while having a blast and dealing with life side by side.  Seems to search for the diamond in the ball pit means risking sticking my hand in half eaten candy or vomit.  Still I have found myself this far, why not just keep falling down the rabbit hole to see what is on the otherside.  Just not going to get any hopes up anytime soon.

so very college dorm cool.

Just taking each moment as it comes.  Had to fathom that at the begining of a month I had thought I had it all together and was sharing life with someone wonderful.  Now I see that it wasn’t so great & although we both have our awesome points, together it doesn’t make extreme awesomeness.  Hoping that apart we both can get back to living life happily ever after in our own ways.  Just still makes me wonder how people do it.  Is it really just being dedicated to each other no matter what or does some have it easier than others.  I know to become a we from a he & a me there has to be compromise & change, but I have to think that some combinations of compromises are easier for each than others.  Hoping so anyway.  I don’t think anyone is unworthy of love  (ok maybe those people who hurt kids or disown dogs, cats & birds… ).  There has to be someone out there for each of us.  Just not sure we always know what we should be keeping out eyes open for.

So for now, I am going to let the ambien take me away.  Close the eyes and snuggle up with Baxter.  Maybe we both can be nightmare free tonight.

Pugster Panic

The events of the past 48 hours have rocked my world.
Woke up like normal & got the birds new food & water, dressed, yelled for Baxter to get out of bed for the twentieth time… then when I got him out finally I was getting my shoes & find that he lost a toe nail on the way out of the bedroom. Not like part of the toe nail.. like the ENTIRE FRIGGIN NAIL! So of course when I let him back in he is bleeding ALL over the place. I was trying to catch him to see what the hell was going on & he was trying to go back to sleep. Lazy bum. So yes, blood in the bed, on the couch, the rugs, my cloths, the carpets, floor…. even the shower curtain! I tried to get the bleeding to stop but it wouldn’t. Compression, cleaned it with hydrogen peroxide & more compression… nothing but more blood. He acted like he felt fine but I know I wasn’t. Used some bandages I had leftover from my days of daily bandage changes & got changed quick from work clothes to jeans & a tee.
So I had to call in to work & take him to the vet. He was still bleeding there & they said there wasn’t anything else that I could have done at home. Had to leave him there for the day. Going to sedate him to suture up the opening & then trim all his other nails back deeper than normal. My lil buddy is going to be on antibiotics for a little bit but should be ok. Still no clue why it just popped off that way. She said she hadn’t see one do that before. Usually they break & dangle but this was the full nail.
Always good to clean up a house that looks like a crime scene, change clothes 3 times, run up a $200 bill & pop a klonapin all before going into work 2 hours late….
While at work I thought I would be smart & move the money I needed to pay the vet bill from savings to the credit card, then use the card. Make a payment & pay the bill with the same cash. Then I went to check to make sure I had the card with me….to find it EXPIRED in JANUARY! See how much I use that thing? so I tossed it back under the desk where my bag was and moved more money from savings to checking. Dang it!
FINALLY I got the call he was ready. FINALLY I got finished up with work. FINALLY I got across town to my lil hurt baby… reached in the purse to get the debit card & discovered no wallet. Searched the bag & the car to no avail. Yup back UNDER my desk it had missed going into the bag. So back across town through traffic. Thankfully I have an alarm code & key to the office because by then everyone had cleared out for the weekend.
So bill paid. Great report that he had been a perfect lil patient and was quite hesitant to want to wake from his afternoon nap to go. He had made a few more fans through the day. Poor guy looked so pitiful all bandaged up. Got the instructions for his pain killer/anti-inflammatory and antibiotics, scheduled the follow up appointment for Monday to have the bandage removed and headed on home to snuggle my poor buddy.
Well that was MY plan. Evidently he had other ones. Like just forgetting the whole healing thing. Did I mention that literally within 5 minutes of being home? Yes the expensive professional bandage was OFF. Little buggar decided Monday was far too far away to wait.
Back to my stash. Another bandage & tried to keep him calm. Kennel time. Lights out & after seeing he was ok, went to dinner with a friend.
Returned to find another bandage OFF. So back to the stash & rewrapping the paw. Gave him the medication as directed. Then on to bed. Snuggle time it was.
Nervously I didn’t even go for the Ambien. Besides after the day, I was exhausted.
Around 4:30 AM I nearly got scared to death. Woke up because it was WaaY too quite. No normal snoring. He was laying so still beside me I couldn’t feel him breathing. Felt him & couldn’t feel anything breath pulse nothing. Tears in my eyes I panicked thinking he had a reaction to the medication. Jumped up & cried out his name wiggling his head in my hands hoping to hear the snore I loved so much. The eyes opened. He had the biggest WHAT THE FUCK look on his face! I think if he could have moved to the couch for the night he would have! Guess the anti-inflammatory stuff helps his breathing & thus less snoring? Freaked me out but he seemed less than thrilled. It is really hard to sleep without that sound now! So I laid there for a while just feeling grateful for him in my life. Also thankful that the bandage was still on even if it had shimmied down a bit down the leg.
Plans were to head to my parents. The weekends ahead are packed with plans & it could be well into May before I have a weekend wide open.
With Baxter doped up, we weren’t quite sure how he would do with the other dogs. Would he stay calm? Then I realized, I wasn’t staying calm, why not go? I didn’t want to miss seeing the family. So we loaded up & rebandaged up… yes AGAIN. Halfway there it was already off again. Long road.
I’m beyond sick of trying to figure out how to keep it covered & clean. Even my sister with all her medical training had trouble in getting one to stay on. Although hers did stay on longest, several hours.
So here we are, at my sisters, on her laptop… wondering what fun tomorrow will bring. Crazy how quickly things change.
Whatever tomorrow has in store, come what may. For now I just look forward to another meal where we all sit around the table together & another night with a snuggled up pug by my side. Snore or no snore.

Dream. Dash. Do?

Some days just rock a lot harder than others.  Days like today just make me smile and hope that no matter how difficult other days may be, there is always hope for more like today.

Especially ones where surprises arrive!

Got the gift cards from Courtney Out Loud!!!  Can’t wait to go checking out Pier One’s stock.  Maybe tomorrow will include a trip to each of them to compare.

Til then, Baxter & I are dreaming & doing our happy dance again.  (& yes I busted out the Valentine’s-ish quilt I made a few years back).  Feeling really inspired again lately & wishing I had the time to make something else.  Very soon.  I played around with the fabric today, but just couldn’t quite decide what to make in time.  If only my craft stuff were able to be as organized as these rooms! Or hell if it had a room….

Craft Room Inspiration

But no time today for that it seems.  I had a date to dash off to.

Met up with a couple of photog friends to brainstorm & catch up… dream about something that if/when it happens will be pretty amazing.  I’m excited for sure.  Which left me inspired to want to take a million and one pictures and dream about this & that in how to edit them and display & all that good stuff.

But no real time for that either.  Off to meet someone.  Inspired by conversations the night before hearing how successful relationships started in various ways be it in a beer tent being polite, intrigued by an online profile a bit too real or even by that one face that just didn’t seem to go away. I had hope for what could be.  The profile seemed ok.  Maybe this one wouldn’t end up making me wish I had a panic button in my purse.

So I went. First good sign – he actually looked like his profile pictures.  Second good sign – he was polite.  So we chatted. We walked. Drank coffee & watched the sunset across the Cape Fear River.  Somewhere along the way it dawned on me that there wasn’t that much in common, but he was a good guy.  The things I expected based on the profile pictures weren’t really there.  It dawned on me that based on those pictures, I read more into them than I should have & basically was expecting him to be similar to an ex!  Turns out he isn’t anything like that ex, except they are both nice guys, but the things that I had in common with the other guy & actually liked aren’t there in this guy.  Hate missing those pieces & hate that I realized I wasn’t even really giving this guy a chance to be himself without comparison.  But such is life. There is a lot of good there, but common interest maybe not.  Perhaps a friend might be a great fit with him.  Time will tell it seems.

When it was time to dash off from that it was errand running time.  Then home again to spend some time with Baxter & the birds.  Perhaps even get in a bit of reading before I crash.

So maybe tomorrow.  Dream today.  Do tomorrow.

One thing is blatantly obvious to me.  I have more desires than dollars or daylight.  If only I could just add a few more hours to a day.  At least I feel this one was about as packed as it could have been.

General goalsfor the coming year & next few months…

  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day - Back on track & no more slipping. One day of 99 isn’t going to get me down. Maybe soon it will feel more habit-ish & I will start thinking of bigger goals than just consistency.
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th – gave to the Cape Fear Literacy Council
  • Read more! - Still stunned that I have already basically read more than last year & its not even the end of January. Downloaded a couple of new ones today & starting #6 tonight.
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it - stupid money. Meeting up with friends out for dinner/lunch… isn’t so great for the budget, but well worth it. The other stuff I have been spending on isn’t so much but fun. Pay day is Friday at least.  I can get there.

As for the more traditional resolutions:

  • Try one new thing each week – Attended a new group for crafters tonight along with a friend I hadn’t seen in way too long.  So many ideas brewing.
  • Cook something each week – Potluck at work was incredible! The drinks, the shrimp lo main, the pizza, the chicken nuggets, the pineapple cake, and coconut & mango sorbets delish! Even got compliments on my black beans & rice.  All love goes to my not so secret ingredient – Adobo!
  • Take one photo I love each week – Feeling so inspired lately! I HAVE got to update the scavenger hunt page soon.
  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing thinking I need a cool way to display these soon.  They are waiting patiently in a box til I do.  Wondering where the next one will come from.
  • Floss daily – check. nothing in between the teeth.  Why did I think this should be a goal this year? Didn’t I realize I do this daily now?
  • Meditate more – at least weekly – sorry. nothing to report here… move along.
  • Daily food picture –  366 dishes – clearly this has been sponsored by chicken and fries.  No more.  I have GOT to eat better.  Or at least in a way where I can be more enthusiastic about the pictures.
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week – easy peasy this week. reconnecting with so many & even met someone new today.  Thinking tomorrow is going to be a stay home & chill day, but this weekend certainly has made up for the past little while of being a deadbeat hermit.

Just So Very Versatile

I love feedback!  Especially when its not some spam bot.  When it happens to be positive, I love it even more.  Imagine how much it made my day when I got the notice that I had someone post this!

Thank you so much, Madi!  I sincerely appreciate you sharing this.  (Check her out on her blog – My Story Uncensored)

The rules are as follows:

  1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
  2. Share 7 things about yourself
  3. Pass this award along to a few recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading
  4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award

So here goes! Seven things about myself:

  1. Sometimes I don’t eat the healthiest of meals.  Admittedly sometimes the kid inside wins & says why not have chocolate and wine for dinner? ok I had some beef jerky along side the dark M&Ms… don’t hate me. Tomorrow I will eat a real meal at some point. I promise.
  2. Thinking I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be in love.  The relationship type of caring for someone who cares for you back.  Slightly scared that if the opportunity ever came around again, I wouldn’t even recognize it.  Self protection is a blessing and a curse.
  3. I have an obsession with fortune cookies. Adore them completely & even tried to bake my own when I was a kid – didn’t work out so well.  I always seem to get bizarre ones or ones that are dead on.
  4. Already deep into another ebook and loving it! Crazy how wrapped up in a story I can get. Chasing Rainbows by Kathleen Long is killing me.  Shh.. keep it a secret, but I cried within the first chapter & have been torn between bawling & laughing uncontrollably ever since.  Still a bit pissed that its not recognized by Get Glue since I am loving the story & would love to recommend it.  But I guess I just did.
  5. I am not a fan of several “great” romances.  Romeo & Juliet – teens who die & never end up getting together.  Titanic – seriously was not impressed by anything but the boat.  Sinking into the abyss of the frigid ocean is not a happy ending.  The Notebook – hated it.  Its a nightmare.  Love that she never remembers & he has to tell her daily just to have her forget again.  Maybe I am missing something here, but I prefer a love that last.  Tell me a tale where they end up HAPPILY together ever after.
  6. Although I am only 11 days into the 100 Days challenge, I already feel like its going to take forever!  Really glad I vowed to get the Kindle Fire when I complete the 100 days of 30 minutes of exercise straight or I so wouldn’t be doing this.  I know that 11 days is NOT long & 30 minutes isn’t much, but I have gotten really lazy!  Change is coming soon (I hope).  I enjoy it when I do it, but getting moving is like pulling taffy with tweezers sometimes.
  7. Today is my mom’s birthday & although I saw her this weekend, I am missing her like crazy tonight.  Wish I was there to bake her a cake – perhaps give that chocolate pound cake another go?  Just have to hope that this year treats her well & we get to celebrate again next year with her.  Thankfully the doctor’s appointment went well this week & she is getting some time with her siblings right now.  Also I’m stunned at the rate her hair has grown back since chemo!  She has more body in those curls than I expected & no one can believe how soft it is.  Like a lamb.  So.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!  Make great wishes & know you are loved.

old picture, but this reminds me of how supportive you were Mom as I healed from the attack. Even when I adopted that pug at a time when I was barely able to care for myself. You let me be free & live life on my own terms. Thank you for giving me my wings & still keeping a warm perch for me to rest on.

Now to pick a couple of blogs to share this fun with! I am a blog addict.   The rules didn’t state how many, but I will go with seven.  A few that I never want to miss are (in no order in particular):

  • Ciao Bella – I swoon at the images & always seem to find something I would love or a place I would love to be or something I want to wear, or eat, or be… you get the idea!  Lots to pin on this one.
  • Gluten Hates Me – I’ve known Marlow for a while & saw how she was before she discovered that Gluten did indeed hate her.  Its such a beautiful thing to see her transition from struggling to accept the diagnosis to it just being a part of life.  She has embraced a piece of her that makes her unique & been kind enough to share & inspire others…. & of course she makes me want to cook more often!  Secret: the blog isn’t all about Gluten free life.  She is one cool chick & juggles married life, double puppy momdom, school & working all while blogging & staying in shape!
  • Positive and Inspirational Quotes - I love this spark of light that shines on in dark times to remind us that life is to be lived to the fullest & loved to the end.
  • Life, or something like it –  From the moment I met her I knew this chick has a way with a camera lens, but now following her blog I can see she has a great perspective on life too.  Even with the lens cap on & power off.  Plus she has these amazing curls I would adore having just for a day!
  • the Crystal Chick – a while back I discovered a podcast that warmed my soul.  Two women discussing topics that I didn’t think anyone else talked much about.  the Psychic Teachers became part of my weekly routine.  Each week the hour brought something new to think about & discover.  It flew by and I wanted to know even more.  Felt like they were people I could be friends with and be open about my real self.  Imagine my shock to hear them talking about the place they lived & mentioning places I knew! They live in the same town I do!  Even better is I have had the honor of sitting for a reading with them both (& a very gifted palm reader) and learned they are just as honest and beautiful in person as they sound like they would be on air.  Her blog is both an extension of the podcast and more.
  • Amuse-bouche - I know its a food reference, but I choose to read that A MUSE -bouche.  Not sure why she hasn’t blogged this year – yet, but I love that she takes a picture of herself every Tuesday & is brave enough to post it.  Also enjoyed hearing about her plan to learn to love working out & according to her Tweets, she truly has embraced the habit!
  • Short Jewish Girl - a friend shared this blog with me & although she is a coast away & lives life a bit differently than I, I adore reading her perspectives!  Seems like a woman I could spend a day laughing at life with.

So there you go.  A very versatile post where I seem to go all over the place!

So grateful for readers who care & for other blogs that inspire.  On a night where I got home & felt less than thrilled with the day, I am now smiling.  Now off to put in my 30 minutes of the day on the treadmill and then its going to be a big snuggle session with the pugster.

Oh what a world this is.