So in my dream…

Trying something new.

Last night I embraced the dreams. Skipped the ambien, partially because I was exhausted from getting back from a weekend with the family late. Decided to just see what messages came.

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Woke up sideways in the bed this morning.

Good thing I slept alone. Baxter didn’t seem to mind.  His lil pug butt just seemed happy I was waking up & ready to snuggle.  Guess I didn’t get too crazy because he didn’t try to wake me.

One dream in particular stuck with me.

A friend appeared and the messages were very clear. Still seems slightly crazy but what the hell. I am close to this friend and for once, I would rather relay my thoughts than have them haunt me. I have no desire to continue this dream. So even thought it didn’t seem to fit, I reached out & asked if everything was going ok.

Turns out life has indeed taken a turn much like presented in the dream.

So I passed along the impressions & apologized for seeming strange. Actually this particular person pretty much already knew that I am strange, but I opened up anyway. Hoping it helps.  …them as much as me. The nagging feeling at least has passed. Now I just worry. About the situation & the impression the person has of me & my mental health.

A big part of the dream dealt with who we are.

Strip away the house, the job, the relationships, the things, the race, religion, gender & even the physical body and what are we left with? What piece is us?

If we let go of what is expected of us, both by others and by ourselves, who are we? … and if we find out, do we like this soul?

Got me thinking a lot about everything. If we let go of all that hold us or pushes us, where are we? Maybe that is what we need to figure out in this life. Less about achieving goals and acquiring things, but more about defining us. Sure the relationships, positions and things can help us learn more about who we are, but many times the take over and we forget the core of this life.

Maybe we need the distractions in order to not go crazy. The pleasures of the connections and achievements help to relax us. Maybe the detour us. Who knows?

So new plan. Test the boundaries.

Trust in me.

Trust in intuition and guidance that makes no sense but feels exactly like what is right.

Trust in something bigger than all I know.

(think this is Shel Silverstein)

(think this is Shel Silverstein)

Hope Glows Like a Chandelier

Remember how I dreamed of redoing my bedroom & then put all that on hold after changing & then leaving my job?

study session

I wanted so badly to just change it all from top to bottom.  I really did mean start at the top!

Even tried to make a faux capiz chandelier that basically would fit over the existing unit & replace the cover!  That stupid thing is STILL waiting around for me to finish.  It may end up chunked in the trash very soon. I tried to make lemonade out of the lemon of a bedroom light I had, but without the sugar it just ended up sour & unfinished.

 This weekend I got offered some free handy services from the Crab.  He had noticed a few things that to me would mean expensive outside professional help, but having previously built a few houses himself, he had the knowledge & ability to fix.  Some seemed simple,  but annoying – like the bathroom door that seems to enjoy trapping people inside with its required random number of turns to open.  Some seemed monumental to me – like the dripping faucet IN THE BATH TUB! No clue how to even begin to tackle that one.  I seriously had visions of needing to rip thru a wall to get to the pipes.  Deal was I bought the supplies and he would give free labor, I tossed in dinner for good measure & we were off to the home improvement big box.  Several trips & hours later, I was beaming at all that had been accomplished.

thankfully it wasn’t THAT drastic!

Then he mentioned the fact that the two bulbs in the ceiling light in my bedroom were driving him crazy being two different wattages or shades or whatever it was.  Honestly I didn’t think it mattered as much as I hated that light.  Course I agreed that installing new matching bulbs would be a good thing & off we were…. almost.  Then I brought up the chandelier & how I had dreamed of popping it up one day.   I’m sure he probably regreted the next statement, but there it was “I can put that up if you want. Its not hard.”  HA!  Not hard my ass.  It is when you have no clue what’s what.

Out came my crystal laden beauty!  After some adjusting for height, there it was – up and on!  The dream was one little step closer to being reality.  We talked of moving stuff around & replacing this or that.  But mostly all I could do was stare in wonder at the light, finally where it should be lighting up my room.  It already felt/feels cozier & more me.

Maybe the dreams aren’t totally dead just yet.  Sometimes I guess it takes a few steps back & letting go to move forward.  Then again a great side kick certainly helps too.

Tomorrow I attempt to tackle the summer clothes purge – 100 things gone (yes I have more than enough clothes to wear! Sadly I may be a clothes hoarder).  We dropped off one bag at the Goodwill today with 26 things no longer needed.  Tomorrow going for at least another 75!  We shall see.

Also looking forward to registering for classes in the morning & figuring out what the next few months are going to look like.  Hopefully I can get into the classes I need & maybe even have some time left over to get a part time job & bring in money to assist in taking a few more steps to home improvement.  We shall see.  But tonight I am going to be snoozing under my very own chandelier – feeling pretty proud, pretty loved & just plain pretty.

May Day, May Day

What a day.

Life is good when you can start your day with this view…

There was NO ONE on the beach! I loved it. Felt like my own private island get away.  Originally I paid for an hour.  Once I planted my butt in the sand, I didn’t want to leave.  Tried to get more time on the parking meter – not that anyone was waiting on an open space – but I couldn’t get the process to work without knowing my plate number on my car.  So I took it as a sign that my alabaster skin probably didn’t need to get any more sun for the day.  While I will take a tan, a burn is not anything I need.  Although there is NOTHING like the way your skin feels after a lay in the sand.

Especially since I had pole practice tonight.  Last one in a while.  Need to figure out my schedule & finances before I can commit to anymore.  I am REALLY going to miss it.  My arms, legs, abs & entire body feel so much stronger.  Lifting myself up is so emplowering.  Amazing what your body can do once you try!   Plus I completely had to giggle at the modern version of the Beltane May Pole!  May not be braiding ropes or ribbons, but I certainly circled it around enough times & twisted my body up to where it felt knotted!  I will skip the other jokes about celebrating fertility!

So now I’m exhausted & bruised, but thankfully not burned.  Ending the day with a big fat smile on my face & hope in my heart.

No word on classes or a job yet, but soon.  Enjoying the moments as I wait.  One of the best realizations I have ever had is that some emotions, although valid, are useless.  Stressing out & worrying without action is just wasted energy.   So for now I wait & trust that it will work out as it should.  No reason not to enjoy the ride & keep my eyes open for the lessons to learn.

As for the latest challenge:

  • Work out at least 4 times a week 30 minutes – so far I have knocked out 2 hour long classes that worked me out! Tonight more so than last night, but I can feel my body getting stronger.  I am already hating that I won’t be going back to pole class next week.
  • Keep waking up by 9:00 am for at least 5 days per week – no alarm needed but I have been getting up before 9 am each day!  Yesterday I only beat it by about 10 minutes, but still counts.
  • STUDY!  No sense waiting for classes to begin learning.  Time is now.  Learn vocabulary, concepts, forms etc. – biggest thing I haved learned is that there is so much to learn & I want to know it all! Reading in a couple of books & working on some vocab (yes, I’m a geek!)
  • Improve typing speed – now that I am back on a laptop YES MY NEW ONE ARRIVED!!! I am better able to get to practicing.
  • Live on $100 a week – hard, but being home has helped. Also working the catering job helps. Great food to nosh on still this is going to take some work.  The temptations are there, the emails with the “savings” make me really want to go get shorts, a bathing suit, etc. to go from cold to hot weather.  Still I remind myself that if I spend $50 more than I planned but save $100, its still spending an extra $50 over budget!  They are only savings if it is a purchase that is needed.  So holding on the bathing suit & shorts… for now at least.

So thankful for all the great things I am able to experience right now.  Being able to workout in a way that pushes my  body beyond where it has been lately, walking on the beach at sunset and spending mornings laying in the sand, time with the parrots, snuggling with Baxter, new laptops (thank you financing plans) and all the potential that awaits in the future.  So many blessings in my world right now.  Simply ripe for the next phase to begin, but until then I am enjoying being right where I am.  Making memories worth remembering.

Enjoying MY life.