Just keep sparkling

 

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Some days just SPARKLE right from the start.

After a trying weekend, I woke today (from a FULL night of sleep without any hard dreams) to find Baxter snuggled up so cozy, the air felt just a bit softer & the scale forgave me for a decadent birthday. Hit another milestone this morning & feel like dancing around. Hearing my Dad is going to take me “shopping for clothes that don’t fall off”me this weekend for my birthday is one of the best gifts ever. Not just because he is right, but more because he has noticed & clothes shopping was always more of Mom’s deal.

Tough birthday for sure without her. Not celebrating really til this coming weekend when I can make it in to see the family. Spent the day just low key. Enjoyed watching a storm roll in on the beach. Shopped a little without buying a single thing. I did take a day off of counting calories & carbs and ended up “treating” myself to a trip through what used to be a favorite drive thru. Of course there are reasons I don’t do that anymore & of course my body reminded me. Yesterday I felt awful. No energy and just felt sick all day.  Thankfully my bloodwork was done Thursday before I went nuts so it shouldn’t effect my A1c or any of the test readings. Still a bit nervous to meet with the doc again this week to go over everything. I REALLY don’t want to have to start doing injections ever! I know I could clean up the diet a little more but not without really being the weirdo & I already feel like there are times I am tip toeing around ED territory again. Reminding myself this restricting is for good not evil & at some point when I reach a healthy weight, it will change.

Moments I don’t feel like I am sure of myself & what I am doing. So many changes this year. Trying to figure out the internship & change from thinking criminal law to civil. Hard to imagine that this is the last semester. What next? I’m scared that the 9-5 will bring me back to a world of stress I can’t handle. Hopefully without the added pressure of worrying about Mom’s illness & actually caring again about what I am doing, it will be easier to balance. It is strange to have life flip some times. Especially when the comfort clothes don’t even fit the same, the comfort foods are off limits & the ones you would call to get the reminder of who you are, you aren’t able to reach. All part of the adjustment I guess. Time for new comforts. Thankfully some are still around like friends, the family that are here, pets & Panthers football (even if last night’s game wasn’t the birthday wish come true!).

2 favorites of mine - Marilyn & Nikon

2 favorites of mine – Marilyn & Nikon

It is very strange to know that now I am older than an idol ever got to be.

Physically I can truly say I am better off than last year. Well aside from the diabetic stuff. Weight wise anyway. Not where I expected to be by this age, but just have to trust everything works out as it should & keep going.

Which with temperatures like these… how can you not enjoy the moments?

PLUS only 224 days til I will once again be in the happiest place on earth & just like I did when I was celebrating single digit birthdays, knowing this makes me ridiculously happy!

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the 10 Day YOU Challenge: 7 & the DietBet results

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10-Day-You-Challenge

 

7 WANTS:

( will skip the obvious stuff like true love, world peace, cure for cancer, perfect health for all & stick to the materialistic stuff. Also great job & dream home on the beach are pretty much assumed right along side ability to swim like a mermaid & communicate with all species! Rest assured when I dream, I dream bigger than a list of 7 so I will limit it to items that can actually be purchased.)

7. This jeep. Love the color and quite frankly I am dying to get something with 4 wheel drive to get out to the North End areas of the beach to go camping & just relax in general. Sure I go to all the other beaches, but I want to be able to drive there too.

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ok pink or purple also would be awesome… black is good too.  Maybe I need to think more on this. But of the fun!

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6. Panthers jersey…. & of course a primo seat with season tickets.

5. Aviary greenhouse combo. Something where beautiful tropical plants can grow & a place where the parrots can get out & enjoy being “outside” but safely.  My own lil paradise.

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4. My own dance studio. Some space to just move around and work out. Barre, mirrored wall to check form when needed, pole & of course a great sound system & a weight bench over in a corner. Would be bliss. I miss the stretching involved in ballet dancing, the release of getting into the music & the strength that came from learning various pole moves.

3. New dish set that magically clean themselves after use. Too much to ask for? They don’t already make those? Why not?

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Ok so I guess just a fun new set of salad plates to have fun with would work too.

2. A boat.  No not just any boat, I want one I can enjoy & travel a bit on. Some space below to sleep.

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Like a ticket to the world. Plus imagine the adventures & the views!

1. All my memories.  Well organized. I wish we had organized all the photos we have taken over the years & made more notes along the way. Noted who was who & what date they were taken, where… all the details we forget. Hoping to start something better than just the old tote full of envelopes or the old peel and stick photo albums, although they are certainly a start. Wild how much work it can be all at once but if we just had done it along the way. No time like the present.

I could dream all day & actually have been thinking about this post several days. So much to desire in life, but also hit me how much I already have. I’m grateful for everything and that at times I have more than enough and am able to share. But oh what fun to dream!

Everything starts with a dream & thankfully I have happy news to report: I won my DietBet!

Baxter was happy too!

Baxter was happy too!

Not sure what the amount won will be, but I lost 14 lbs instead of the 8 lbs that was required. That in itself makes me a winner.  Will find out more after everyone’s outcomes have been verified & they determine how many people won. I have been verified so I am in! There were 1,10 people last I checked so that is a lot of people to verify!  & yes that means a pot of $25,250 to split up.

Hopefully the big payoff will be with improved medical tests when I return to the doctor. Either way I am celebrating with feeling great (& maybe buying myself something non-food). Need to dream more.

On the search for a new bet to place. Certainly can reinvest in myself, because I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

No sugar coating it – Tea time

As if I wasn’t missing it enough, I woke to find today is National Iced Tea Day. Which of course I read as National Sweet Tea Day because there just isn’t any comparison and I still have that mindset. Maybe one day I will forget about it but living in the South just doesn’t make it the easiest. Here tea is sweet. If you dare to specifically order unsweet tea you immediately get asked what sweetener packet you want (Sweet & low, equal, etc) because how could anyone drink tea without a kick of sweetness? (even my spell check doesn’t recognize “unsweet”!)  So yeah the one thing I have cut out (I didn’t drink soda that much before so not even counting that) is the one thing that seems to consistently tempt or taunt me. All a test of my dedication I guess.

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I may be sweet but when it comes to taking care of me, I can be a beast. I’m worth it. Besides when it comes down to it, it really is just flavored water anyway right?

Still. The temptations lurk everywhere.

But the rewards also seem to be appearing. I’ve lost several pounds which didn’t hurt & I dare say I am starting to have a bit more energy back. Could be the change in meds but I have to think that the clean eating has a lot to do with it. I know calories have been reduced (have you tried to eat the same number of calories as a fast food meal in veggies & fruit? it would not be comfortable at all) but also the vitamins are increased and it just seems to feel better.

Still catch myself at times wondering if all this focus on counting grams of sugar & calories, etc is really healthy but I know I will get used to it & at some point I will know what is acceptable & what isn’t. It will come more naturally. Had to laugh at myself when I spilled coffee down my shirt & my first thought wasn’t “Shit” but “Wonder how many calories that was?”. I may be a tad obsessive right now. BUT I know this is for my best & I will not let it get back into dangerous territory. There have been days where I know I haven’t eaten enough & I add food. So it isn’t all about reducing. Focus is on quality and restriction of the parts that are not good for me. Feels good. Strange to do some of the same things that I did in self hate years ago but this time in self love. I don’t even know how to describe how that makes me feel.

Really grateful for so much right now. Second chances & turning bad habits into good ones, in so many ways.

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