The Dare – Student Edition

Caffeine has nothing on enthusiasm.  Another day wide away before I need to be.  Just too excited to get going to the next phase.

Virgo: Travel plans that you have been working on for a while are finally taking shape now. Or, perhaps, you’re enrolling in an educational program, making your upcoming journey a mental one. Either way, you’re at the threshold of a great adventure and previous resistance continues to fall away as Mars in your sign gains speed. Fortunately, you receive an extra boost of help today from the practical Sun-Pluto trine, so focus on a single goal and work to make your dreams come true.

Sounds like I am right where I need to be.  Love it when you do something because you know its what is right for you & then you end up getting all these confirmations that you are exactly where you need to be.

Yes its slightly scary to take the leap, but I know now I have wings & with the effort, I will soar.

End of another chapter on the resume.  May seem slightly sudden, but its been coming for a while.  I am feeling wonderful about it & ready to start working towards my next phase in life.   The experience was valuable.    So the application is in, transcripts are on their way and my FAFSA is in the works as well as plans to get by for however long this ends up taking to build the dream.

I’m putting my money where my mouth is & walking the talk.  If you only live once, there is no reason to wait a moment more to reach for the dream.

Also time to be slightly realistic & make a plan!  So the plan. (yes… again the Virgo is going to try to plan!)  This time I am less afraid & more focused on getting through the tough times to where I want to be.  I am in a holding pattern til I can confirm if I will be starting school in the summer session or the fall.  Also need to confirm on the financial aspects.  The age old do I do the student loan question.  I have never had one before, but this time I don’t expect anyone to pay for this but myself.  My parents and both sets of grandparents were kind enough to bless me with my bachelors degree.  My PHR was paid for by a former employer.  These building blocks certainly are paying off & I am truly lucky to have had them.  Now to use them to grow on.  Sure scholarships & grants would be great but most I have found are for undergraduates and single moms.  (PLEASE feel free to alert me to any that I may qualify for in the comments! I am very open to working on getting them & if your lead pays off, who knows I may reward you.  Don’t get too excited though I will be a college student on a budget!)

So again the plan, or the challenge I am setting for myself:

  1. Work out at least 4 times a week 30 minutes
  2. Keep waking up by 9:00 am for at least 5 days per week
  3. STUDY!  No sense waiting for classes to begin learning.  Time is now.  Learn vocabulary, concepts, forms etc.
  4. Improve typing speed
  5. Live on $100 a week (But I am changing the rules on this one)

Each week I am going to limit myself to $100 per week to eat, entertain myself, etc on.  This will not include bills, gas, medication or pet expenses.  It will include clothes, food, going out, all that extra stuff.  Again there is a way to add to the amount!  Achieve in order to get more.  Reward system.  Budget living again, but with hope.

As before – Any food in the house or anything given to me won’t count cost wise.  Also I can and will find ways to earn cash. Still resolving not to touch the 401k!  To add to the weekly allowance I can gain some extra cash flow by earning it:

  • For every application for a scholarship, grant or employment I complete & submit = $1.00
  • For every hour I volunteer = $1.00
  • For every interview I go on = $1.00
  • For every extra 30 minutes of exercise beyond the 1st 4 sessions per week = $1.00
  • Each day I track over 10,000 steps in a day = $1.00
  • For each book I finish = $1.00 for each book, $5.00 for anything related to the law field.

So back to the plan.  Tracking everything I do.  My life is my job.  For now at least.  I still am doing the catering service and actually am working a wedding today.  Perhaps with the increase in film production locally lately, I will find myself doing extra work again soon.  Once I get the green light on classes & can figure out my school schedule, I can get a better idea on what hours I can work.  Then its job hunt time.  But for now I am not sure if I’m going to summer or fall session & not 100% confirmed where I will be studying.  So a lot is up in the air.

I’m beyond excited.  Feels 100% right for me.  Can work in a field where again I am helping others.  Law school could be an option down the road, but I believe I am more into the research and administrative assistance side.  Not sure I would be much for the public speaking in a court room.  This way I get to be part of the team & support in the efforts but get to stay out of the limelight.  Completely know the value of support.  Reminded how much of a gift it can be as I do this with the support of friends & family.

Not alone and not accepting defeat in this fight.  Time to grow.  Time to prove myself once again.  Time to survive and thrive!

I’m open to any advice or suggestions that you have.  Please feel free to contact me if there is anything to share.  Encouragement, advice, links, all completely welcomed.

Now I’m off to search for scholarships and read a little before I am off to assist with making a bit of magic for a happy couple (& getting a great workout, food & my next paycheck!).

ebbs and flows of the green

Whoever said money is the root of all evil was on to something.  Not exactly calling it evil, but it sure does cause problems.  Getting it, keeping it, sending it where it can do best.  So many choices to make along the way.  So many decisions that seem to be made for us.

Tonight I spent sometime figuring out next month’s budget (I know geek – but I live alone & on a single income you gotta make it work!) and trying to figure out how on earth to afford all the things I want and need in life.

Its no secret my laptop broke.  As much as I am trying to deal, I am lost without it.  Nothing is as it was before and as much as it pains me to be so dependent on a machine, I am addicted.  I miss the ease & being able to photograph and edit.  I miss blogging with more ability to post.

In time.  I’m working to make it work, but honestly I don’t see how people do it.  I’m focused on a luxury item.  Daily I see people who struggle for necessities.  How lucky I am to have what I have, but still I want more.  I’m expected to do more.  By having a steady paycheck, more is expected, from myself & others.  Is it so wrong to wish I could keep up with american life and build a savings?  The beliefs on what we should be able to afford and what we actually can seems to have a gap.

I see it not only in my own status, but in most people who are honest.

We juggle cost of living, cost of health, cost of sanity and cost of desires.

This weekend it seemed every where I turned money was causing stress.  The need for it, the required spending of it or the desperation to save it.  Expected or unexpected it flows all around us.

Sometimes we just have to ride the wave to where it takes us.  We can tried to steer but what will be will be.  Most we can do is be prepared as much as we can.  Maybe we can grab a board and make the most of it, other times all we can do is hold our breath as we go under and try to avoid the rip currents as best we can.

 

 

 

 

Appetite for Celebration

Oh Saturday, you are my favorite day ever…. well other than those Fall Sundays where the Panthers get to play.  Still days like today keep me going.  Mellow morning being a whole lot of lazy.  Baxter snuggles, parrot play & then some time out shopping & people watching.  HILARIOUS!

Found some great basics, socks, bra, undies, workout shorts, etc. and due to the sales… saved WAY more than I spent.  Which makes me wonder why ever buy anything at regular price? Tank tops for $24 or $4? um… let me see… DUH! Love a good sale.  LOVE new clothes!

Especially when I know exactly where I am going to wear them.  Sure the workout clothes are for the gym Monday, but today I am getting my work out in a whole different way – its CATERING TIME!

I know its work, but I swear it doesn’t feel like it.

All week I deal with meeting people, most unhappy & with sob stories to tell.  Some we learn way too much about & even uncover less than savory secrets that make you question the history of everyone you meet.  Seriously start to wonder if you aren’t the only person around without criminal records.  Of course that is an exaggeration, but the difficult personalities can certainly take center stage sometimes.  As much as I love my job, sometimes we all need a break.

So send me to a shift where the people I work with smile, the people I am serving laugh & joyful celebration sets the stage.

I LOVE my catering shifts.

Its a big work out with all the lifting, walking, cleaning, setting up and whatever else is needed to get through the party and do our best to make the event one of the best memories ever for the people celebrating.  I know without a doubt at the end of the night my body will be exhausted and sweaty, ready for nothing more than a shower & bed.

Also positive that the food will be amazing! Better than any other place to eat.  The settings are always enchanting and the company always entertaining.  Not only do I get to attend the special event, I don’t need to stress over what to bring or wear.

Course I will.  Especially with the rain.  Newish pair of comfy shoes broke in ready for this season & a new, fresh white button up shirt ready to pair up with the black pants.  Catering uniform ready to roll!

I’m just slightly excited.  ha ha!  Something about it all just feels wonderful.  Not just the nibbles of bliss or the paycheck that comes after, but the happy people.  I need moments like these to balance out the negativity that comes in life sometimes.  Reminders that even though some may be having hard times & barely getting by, others are still thriving and enjoying life.  There is still hope.  Its our choice in a lot of ways which we choose to be.

For tonight, I will be among the joyous.  Assisting my own way in bringing the magic of the moment.

….& of course dreaming of my own moments.

 

Tell me about yourself… in words

All day at my job, I see resumes. Stacks and stacks of resumes. Good resumes, decent resumes, first resumes, barely even can be called a resume resumes… I frankly have seen a lot in my years of working in human resources and hiring in various capacities.

Resumes that tell me the history, skills and ambitions of strangers. An insight into their ability to communicate and ideas about the places they want to be. Or at least they should. I also see pieces of random bits of words that don’t seem to flow or really describe anything other than the person was forced to submit something. Resumes tell a lot about a person. Just as a wedding invitation gives insight into the occasion and marriage to come, resumes allude to what you can bring as an employee. I’m not saying they should be formal, engraved expensive expressions, but lets face it you don’t use a coconut postcard as your wedding invitation for if the ceremony is at the Ritz-Carleton. Let the paper match the intent. You want the big kid job, you do the big kid prep and show you are up to it. No you don’t HAVE to have a resume, but you also don’t have to have a position that doesn’t include asking if someone wants paper, plastic or to super size.

Sometimes I get to interview the people from the resumes to gain an even deeper insight to them. Always with a standard set of rules that both myself & the person (if they choose to be) are aware of. Some questions are off limits and some expected. The meeting occurs at a mutually agreeable time and public place. The meetings are relatively short & during the meeting we talk about the goals desired, what employment positions they would like to be in and if I am able to connect them with companies who are seeking people like them.

In so many ways, its much like dating.

Lately I have been meeting several different guys on dating sites.

Thankful that the path to my heart isn’t exactly a first come first serve situation. Its going to take just the right combination of skills and personality to land the position.

The profiles give me some basics, maybe even a sense of their personality. If we both agree, we meet in a public location at a mutually agreed upon time. The first meeting can in a lot of way be like the interviews. At least that is the way I see it.

For the profiles, much like some of the resumes, it seems the rules fly out the window. No history for most, unless they choose to answer the married, divorced, widowed, single question honestly. No background checks, no track records or list of abilities that make them stand out from the others.

Just pictures & statements on whatever they like.

So much easier to compare potential employees than it is to compare dates.

Not even last names to do the background checks on our own…. and yes I admit to checking out guys once I get the entire name & I’m honest about it. Amazing the things people forget to mention, like that they moved here to get away from all those pesky charges. I don’t check them all, but if my gut feeling is iffy, the check gets done.

Still I guess its more to go on that just glancing at the guy across the store while picking up groceries. Knocks out a few questions – or should.

Part of the thrill lies in the potentials. The wonder where this could lead curiosity. Slight bit of mystery keeps you asking questions. Funny how the unexpected just happens with the people you least think it will. Other times you have to deal with the unexpected of a different sort. Like today.

I got a message on January 6 from someone older than my preferred range & on first glimpse in no way similar to myself other than skin color. No shared interest & I wasn’t even remotely attracted to the guy. So no response. No biggie. Or so I thought…

Today I get this blast (feel free to skip it)

“This online dating thing is a piece of shit! Vanity and currency are ALL that people care about!! Hopefully that’s not YOU!! Most people ruin it for me because I don’t look like a million bucks nor do I have a million bucks to spend on THEM… If I did, would I be on here??? Please… There are a few of us decent people left. I know I will likely not get that chance to show my inner beauty to anyone because I am a victim of my own beliefs and convictions…. I believe in being myself, which goes against everything in society today! I get penalized for being honest and being real. No one can cope with reality very well!! It’s too bad too… Most women hide behind five year old snapshots. Is that you?? Most women also are nothing more than looking for a free meal or a way to kill 4 hours due to being bored at home or with their current man/men… Is that you?? I would like to think there are some legitimate females actually looking for a relationship!! Could that be you?? I am sorry for the blast of reality but the truth hurts and most can’t handle it!!”

Um… really? Actually I wish I could hide behind the old pictures of the past with my body in peak condition, but that isn’t me any more. Its changed. Some for the better, some admittedly less “perfect”. Let this guy show his “inner beauty”? I think I got enough of a glimpse into his anger issues to realize that is not in my best interest. I get the frustration, but what is the point? No one owes anyone anything.

Not a date. Not a job. Nothing. So try why fight your way in?

I’m all for rebellion & changing what needs to be changed, but when it comes to relationships -both in the workplace & the heart – why do people choose to be combative? I personally have not time for it. Sure there will be disputes along the way. Half the fun of getting to know each other is learning to appreciate even the differences. But why start it off on an angry note? No thanks.

I’m so frustrated today its not even funny. What should have been easy turns to completely exhausting hours of struggle. In the end, things would have been so much easier if we all just were honest & worked together. But egos or whatever it is, gets in the way.

The words tell so much. The words not there sometimes say even more.

Are online dating site profiles the resumes of dating? If so perhaps we need professionals to start aiding in their creation. Certainly is easy sometimes to see why some stay single and unemployed. I will never be someone who says go for the first opening. Got to wait for the best thing & never, ever settle!

Patching in Pink

One part of my bedroom I don’t miss as I stay in the spare room is the bathroom door!

The doorstop got lodge into the door one night… alcohol may or may not have been involved, but either way isn’t it the job of the door to STOP the door not join the door.

stupid hole

my new friends

Thankfully I have time & the support of a few friends today to fix the hole finally!

This stuff looks so yummy! But I will resist the urge to eat it. But it does look like some cotton candy meets marshmellow mush stuff!

First I had to put the mesh over the hole since I wasn’t working with a push pin sized spot here.Then it was putty smearing time! …which lead to cramming the pink goo into every hole in the wall I could see.  How on earth have I managed to get so many punctures in this house? Guess as my sister said “well you like to hang stuff!” …pictures, calendars, strands of colored lights…. whatever works, then I move it & something else goes on a wall.

seriously love this stuff

BRIGHT HOT PINK! yet when it dries it will be white…

Like magic!

& made me realize there really is nothing preventing me from dying my hair hot pink right now since I don’t have to worry about what customers or clients might think! …but that’s another day…

See already drying white...

Also the other idea for changing something up didn’t go as well.

The chandelier in the front room is just ugly.  I debated getting some paint to make it look chrome or white, but since I don’t exactly know how to get it down & figure spraying paint all into the room isn’t the greatest idea… I’m holding back for now.  BUT since the bulbs have burned out I thought it might be nice to get rid of the “flame” looking bulbs & try some round bubble ones.

yup, its F-Ugly!

Which could have looked ok… but they won’t light up! Oops.  They seem to be the same information wise & the ends look the same.  Why they aren’t interchange able I don’t know.

So another day.  Would love to replace it, but was hoping to at least snazz it up a touch with the more modern bulbs.  Maybe even add some color to the “candle stick” parts.

Still I would prefer one more like this….

Or better yet just take the whole thing out since it just sits over a desk area.

Oh well, as Scarlet is remembered for reminding us… Tomorrow is another day.

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& for the record…. today I am up cash wise.  I spent a total of $6.53, but since I applied to so many jobs, my total for the day is at up $7.47!

Since I am giving myself a $1.00 per application to add to the $100 budget, I got to add $14 today!  Now if only I can get some real cash flowing in…. and it will.  All in due time.

Moving on

So today was rough.  Its only half over, but I’m pretty sure this is the theme for the day.

Last day at work.  After miscommunications & a pretty annoying attitude from one co-worker, it just felt right to end it on that note.  The new employee is hired.  My projects are wrapped up & I am done.  I gathered the stuff together, got Baxter & left.  My boss knows I am there if he needs me & even said he would be having a cookout soon & wanted me to come.

Was hard sitting there trying to find  things to do, listening to how amazing the new hire is (although I am grateful she is & happy for them all – hoping its a much better fit).  Also worried about a friend going through some scary health stuff right now, wishing there was some way I could help or fix it & just feeling sick about it all.  Scared about what is next in my life… also sleepy from not sleeping last night.  So it was time.  I needed to go.

Soon as I got in the car the first tear fell.

I am learning to cry after being the person who never cried for most of my life.  It still feels strange & a bit weak, but I let them flow.  Just feeling it all & not really knowing what the feelings were.

Thank goddess for dark sunglasses & comfy blankets & chairs!

So in reaching for yet another tissue, I managed to knock off the table my tarot deck.  ONE card landed face up amidst the mess.

the Eight of Cups

I had to smile.  Thank you life. I needed that confirmation right now.

I know the road ahead is going to be tricky & I am leaving behind some amazing people & a place that certainly has been helpful in this past year, but there are great opportunities ahead.  I MUST remember that.  To stay would just leave me stagnant & I owe it to myself to move on to better things. I need to grow.

This is one interpretation of the card from Keen.com: 

When you are finally fed up with it and you turn to a Tarot reading to show you the way, the Eight of Cups says that it is just time to leave. When a relationship is getting abusive, when a friend is increasingly disrespectful, when a parent cannot accept you are now an adult who must make independent decisions, the Eight of Cups indicates that it is time to go.

A red-robed traveler is departing under a gloomy sky with a crescent moon and a sad faced disc upon it. The landscape is rocky and appears to be an inlet to some vast sea or ocean off beyond the mountainous rocks ahead. In the foreground are eight Cups. There is a row of five and on top of this row are three more. Two of them are separated by a gap from the third.

The Cups in this card seem to be on a ledge in a windowsill, indicating that there is a leaving of an interior space into an exterior space. The gap in the top row of Cups signifies lost love, as Cups are the Tarot suit of emotion. The person walking is not showing his or her face, indicating that there is no looking back and perhaps a contempt for the situation that caused this person to leave. The walking stick indicates that it will be a long journey ahead. The sad faced disc is thought to be the dark part of the crescent moon. It is illuminated only to illustrate the weariness that this card illustrates. A crescent moon is a signal of a new beginning. When the dark face of the moon seems bright by comparison to your own emotional sadness, it is time to change direction and move on in life. The landscape suggests that it may not be easy for you to move on, but the fact that you would attempt to navigate such rough terrain only asserts what a terrible place you have been occupying to send you out that way.

In the Blink of an Eye

Its barely noon & already the roller coaster of emotions!

Started off pretty good, but after checking in with friends on Facebook I felt shattered.  It’s the EIGHTEEN year anniversary of the death of a high school friend.  It doesn’t even seem possible that its been that long.  She has been dead longer than she was alive.  For whatever reason, it hit me pretty rough.  Suddenly all the feelings of that time came rushing back & I wanted to vomit right there at my desk.  I know everything happens for reasons, but its so hard to accept & stay accepting sometimes.  In losing her life, she taught me just how fragile we are & how quickly life can pass.  Before the accident, only older or sick people died that I knew.  If I only knew what would follow, I’m not sure I ever would have gotten through that year.  None of us knew how to deal & honestly I still don’t.  Death can certainly be a blessing at times, but how often it seems like it comes at the wrong times.

Rest in Peace Christy & Thank You for shaing you with us as long as you were able.

Still I trust that there is positive to every situation.  This one certainly helped me grow & gave me lessons.  It brought me closer to people around me…. but in a lot of ways it made me fearful & unwanting to get close to people.  She had everything to look forward to, yet none of it happened.  What if nothing we hope to do is done?  Nothing is a given.  Which is why its so important to do the things we hope to do without waiting til “the right time”.  Hold fast to the moments that bring us joy & those people in our lives we love. 

So I get it together…. today is day one of interviews for my job.  My role is to greet & do the informal impression.   The bosses value my insight.  So here I am. 

But oddly, its scaring me to think I am being replaced.  Its what I want, but also feels odd.  Just on the verge of a panic attack when the light bulb above me blows up & goes dark!  I couldn’t stop laughing!  Just seemed like something from a comedy. 

So less stress.  

The first person arrives & I learn she is coming back to work after taking time to be with her mother who had a stroke & needed care.  Since her mom has passed on, she is returning to work.  After seeing Baxter, she mentions she also has a pug!  Um… hitting too close to home on replacing me guys!   

Thinking I am going to need to pamper myself & may need a large glass of wine when I get home from this day… when out of no where I get a text.  From Shadow.  Wanting to see me tonight since he misses me.  At first I was happy, then thought… great I do not need to deal with this emotion right now!  But then again, every moment is a gift.  So why not?  Nothing says dinner between friends has to mean anything.  It would be nice to see his face tonight.  Again how does he time this stuff?

so who knows…  So to today I say: take me where you shall.  I am here along for the ride come what may.  I trust that you will do what I need to get through to tomorrow. I’m open to the lessons & experiences you think I need, but please be kind.  We are all so fragile.